The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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