apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she smelled like a LAN party
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
