an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
