At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
