Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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