She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
