do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I will be naked everywhere
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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