filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
