also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
