Are we in a gay sports bar?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
