WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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