i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
