I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
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