Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
