I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize