remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
fuck your aforementioned shoe
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
