nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
