Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
