I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
they're like a gay fantastic four
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
