Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
