Don't you send me to vm
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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