this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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