Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It's blow job season.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
