Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
