I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize