sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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