I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
