apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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