It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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