Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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