i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
