yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
