your room smells of hookers.
And success
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
