i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
