On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
