I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
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