Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
