Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
God gave him joint rollers for hands
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
