i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
