I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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