Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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