i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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