The maid of honor just puked.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
