when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
and she was petting her beer can
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
