Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
only if we run a train.
done.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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