I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
