Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
