You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
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