So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Randomize