I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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