you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
