How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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