if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
