She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Too much gin, very little bucket
she peed on how many people?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
