Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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