I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
