Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
