found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
