You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
