i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
