Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
