some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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