Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
