singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
