How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
