she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
