yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
