I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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