It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
