as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
